Few people can go through life without encountering some kind of trauma.
"Trauma is a psychic wound that hardens you psychologically that then interferes with your ability to grow and develop. It pains you and now you’re acting out of pain. It induces fear and now you’re acting out of fear. Trauma is not what happens to you, it’s what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you. Trauma is that scarring that makes you less flexible, more rigid, less feeling and more defended."
Dr. Gabor Maté
“If the trauma was what happened to you, guess what? It will never unhappen. But if the trauma wound happens inside you, the wound that you're carrying? That can heal at any time."
Dr. Gabor Maté
Trauma is not what happened to you, it’s the wound that was left behind.
The wound is what the experience left you believing about yourself, others and the world. Here is a small list of possible beliefs (These are often stored in the subconscious. Part of the therapy process is to bring these meanings into awareness.)
I’m not lovable.
I must never disappoint anyone.
I am responsible for how other people feel.
People will only like me if I'm perfect.
I am damaged beyond repair.
It’s selfish to pay attention to my own feelings and needs.
We then make predictions about the future based on these beliefs that grew out of an unstable and painful past.
It can be eye opening to realize that the way we experience ourselves, including what we think of as our “strengths,” are often, in part, results of traumatic experiences.
We can look at potentially traumatic events as being in two categories: Single incident and repetitive events.
Single incident experiences (Big T trauma) are specific, identifiable, and overwhelming events in childhood or later in life. It may look like a sexual assault, car accident, natural disaster, witnessing violence, death, divorce, etc.
Repetitive experiences (little t trauma) are “less memorable but hurtful and far more prevalent misfortunes of childhood.” (Clyde Hertzman). These events are ongoing and pervasive. They can be defined as both bad things happening and good things not happening. This might look like bullying by peers, harshness from well-meaning parents, or lack of emotional connection with caring adults (the experience of being unseen and unknown).
“Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering.”
— Peter Levine